This is probably going to be real whiny and shit, so feel free to read one of the other two entries I just posted instead: Everyday balloons and Avoiding evil. (I’ve been writing random entries in Word since I published the last entry here and never got around to posting them whenever I was near an internet connection.)

I’m feeling down. There are highs and lows in life, obviously, and this week has definitely been a low. Not in a very dramatic or tragic sense (luckily enough). I just haven’t felt up to doing anything at all – be it mandatory uni stuff or hanging out with people. I’ve skipped class to the extent that I’m now feeling twice as awful about going back next time and I’ve handed in half-assed papers (that could cost me my semester abroad in Sweden which, oh God, WHOLE OTHER DISCUSSION) and I’ve turned down everyone’s pleas to take their minds off of this and that by meeting at Coffeelovers or whatever and I’ve eaten more than the week before (well, I haven’t completely broken my new diet limits or anything but it was enough to make me feel bad) and then I got an email from my cousin Linda who’s in Hong-Kong right now (work-related) and is traveling around Malaysia and stuff, and, my GOD, IT JUST DEPRESSES ME WHEN PEOPLE OTHER THAN ME GET TO TRAVEL. Ugh.

But. Quite frankly, one cannot possibly be expected to be one’s usual cheerful self (ha!) when one has Carnival marching bands march up and down their street 24/7, can one?

I’m going home for Carnival break tomorrow (yes, it’s exactly as laughable as it sounds) because Maastricht’s been taken over by these thousands of Carnival crazy maniacs. I just didn’t want to deal and I was really looking forward to seeing the family again and stuff. But, see, it’s like this: my dad’s finally having his thyroid(-something-something) surgery next Friday which means he’s already started freaking out about that which, in turn, stresses out my mom, and everyone’s working all week, anyway, and then there’s the endless train rides – which, come to think of it, may turn out to be the funnest part of the entire week. I’ve really been looking forward to this small break but now – especially after a short phone call to my mom today – it seems like everything’s just going to be gloom and doom and then some.

I’m taking a ton of work with me, too, because it’s not like UM actually understands what the word break means. (Apparently, this: a more indirect constant hazing from far away; you get to stay away from campus but god forbid you actually TAKE A BREAK.) So, ordinarily, I’m always insanely excited about going home and I’m guessing I might even feel that same way when I leave the apartment at, like, 6.30am tomorrow. I’ll be all, I’m SUCH a traveler and I love trains and GOING SOMEWHERE and YAY. But at the same time, I’ll know that as ever so often my expectations far exceed reality and that being home will be stressful and lonely and uncomfortable and a thousand other pitiful things. I don’t know. Whatever.

(Great, iTunes, for some reason, is playing that instrumental Pearl Harbor movie theme song right now which is not helping with the gloom and doom and then some aspect of things.)

Special shout-out to Jenny, though, who totally did light up my day for a moment by being her awesome self! (Also to Em! I owe you emails. Yes I do.)

I’ll try to enjoy the week, anyhow. Make the best of it. You know the drill. When life gives you lemons…