Went to Aachen again (4-hour drive there, 4-hour drive back, insane traffic again) to sign the lease for my apartment. I’m thrilled to move there now because Aachen looked prettier than I remembered and I went to check if there is, in fact, a Starbucks 500m (0.3 miles) from my apartment and, YES THERE IS. So, everything’s going well on the apartment front.

I also finally finally finally received the enrolment forms for Maastricht University in the mail today. So I’m gonna go and read through those in a minute.

Didn’t have time to do that yesterday because as soon as I got home my friend J called to confirm our plans for today, then I hit the shower, picked up my friend N, ran to the store to buy peaches, strawberries and grapes, went back to my house to quickly fix some fruity salad, and went to our friend V’s house to watch Casablanca.

Which we didn’t actually end up watching because we had to keep talking since we hadn’t seen each other for so long and, thus, couldn’t keep up with the movie. So then we watched one that didn’t need much attention and then Ocean’s Eleven which we had all seen at least twice. That they acted as though Casablanca was a boring movie and then kept their mouthes shut during the other movies kinda pissed me off.

Side note: my friend V brought to our attention that Brad Pitt either eats or drinks something in every scene of Ocean’s Eleven (except for maybe two or so when he’s in that SWAT team uniform or whatever). Also, he has an annoying way of chewing food. That is something I had once noticed in Mr. & Mrs. Smith.

Fell into bed at 2am sharp, endlessly tired. More details tomorrow.

As soon as the sun sets and it gets darker and darker outside and all through the night, I am incredibly scared of being by myself in Aachen. I’m scared of living on my own, lonely and unprotected, responsible for everything with no one near to lean on.

In the mornings, everything seems okay and I feel fine. Confident, even, that this is an important step for me and that I need to do this to grow.

But at night, I sit in my room and no matter what I do, there’s too much time to think about how there will be nobody there to be with me. I’m a loner by nature, I always say, but really I’m just not a very social person and I don’t enjoy seeing my friends every damn day. But I need my family around me, noises in the background, loved-ones that need me to do this and that and this house that always protected and sheltered me from everything and provided me with whatever I needed.

I’m scared to jump.

Hello Internet, I haven’t been around for a couple of days. That’s like, so totally not cool, I know. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and writing offline lately and whenever I logged on, I had to deal with the whole apartment problem.

Tomorrow, finally, my parents and I are going down to Maastricht and Aachen to look at at least three different places. Some of them are in Maastricht and some are in Aachen, although those in Maastricht are way more expensive and I’m kind of leaning towards Aachen, anyway. Then again, I was checking out Aachen-Maastricht train and bus schedules and I couldn’t find any good and affordable connections. As my dad keeps saying, getting to university should be priority one. And while I agree with that, finding an affordable, nice apartment in Maastricht just seems to be impossible.

We’ll be leaving at 7 tomorrow morning and since I’ve been staying up until the early morning these past few days, that should be interesting. I’m kinda sleepy but there’s no way I can go to bed at, I don’t know, 10 tonight.

Also, I haven’t received the application forms from Maastricht University yet and that bothers me because I really want something to be settled already. Right now, it just feels as though I had been doing so much… stuff for this whole Maastricht idea and yet nothing is definite.

I’m off to hit the shower and then start reading New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. I’ve been looking forward to reading the Twilight sequel forever and I really need something to do because even though my mood constantly changes from depressive to excited to scared to easy-going about Maastricht, I do feel a tiny bit nauseaus about going tomorrow.