Not really.

It’s the season again and although it seemingly just started, I’m already aggrivated. I hate allergies. It’s the same every year: all throughout fall, winter and most of spring I tend to forget about how annoying they truly are and then there’s one day, usually in May, where all hell breaks loose and I can’t even get up because my eyes are all swollen and itchy, my throat itches, my nose is drippy, and I’m in a general state of, SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! That day is today.

I’m supposed to go to my aunt’s birthday party today. So now on top of not wanting to go, anyway, I have to deal with the allergies.

I hate going out when they’re this bad because I just look all deformed and tired and I’m really uncomfortable. My brother said he’d only make a quick stop there tonight so maybe instead of sitting there all night long, I may just go with him instead.

I hate any sort of medication but my mom managed to convince me to take a pill every night for the allergies which I’ve been doing since the beginning of May and I thought everything was fine because I, then, didn’t have any major problems anymore.

Turns out that, evidently, the season actually just started today.

I love summer. Not.

In all seriousness, I CANNOT WAIT FOR CHRISTMAS.

It may as well be a list of ANY FUCKING THING THAT ANYONE HAS EVER HAD. Like, a list OF ANY LITTLE NERVE THAT CAN POSSIBLY HURT.

What the stinkin’ heck.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately, although I have been spending way too much time inside the house, crunched over my desk. Which could be resulting in such total break down of all bodily strength.

But both my mom and I also suspect that it could be caused by my allergies. Yes, the hay fever! It’s just an inexplicable joy, I tell you.

I used to have swollen eyes and a dripping nose. Now, I seem to have a fever, my skin is overly sensitive and all my body limps seem to be aching. My throat hurts like hell and my voice is all scratchy and raspy, my head is ready to explode and, worst of all, my ears. I have this constant pressure on them, as if I was under water or had something stuffed up into them. It is awful. It kinda feels like that one time when I went to the ENT doctor and he found so much earwax strangely deep in my left ear that he had to pressure-water it out to prevent me from going deaf.

But let’s not talk or even think about that. It was not only disgusting but also unbearably embarassing.

On top of all that, I feel sick to my stomach right now. I feel like throwing up but I’m just not a throwing up type of girl. The last time I threw up was when I was five or so. Since then I have made it through rollercoaster loopings, people losing unhealthy amounts of blood and too many drunk episodes to remember without so much as gagging - and each time I did feel sick but never actually puked.

This can be annoying sometimes because, more often than not, getting it all out makes you feel better.

I have no idea what’s wrong with me. What makes this worse is the History exam on Tuesday. I couldn’t study yesterday or today and I already was way behind before this wave of weird symptoms kicked in. All I can do now is cross my fingers and hope for the best.

And just sleep through this, letting my body fight this fight against whatever is trying to intrude.

My grandma had a stroke on December 26 and has been in the hospital on constant supervision ever since.
Apparently, her sister was over at my grandma’s house when it happened. My grandma fell down and couldn’t get back up. Thing is, her sister is in a wheelchair and is slightly mentally disabled as well. A cab driver from the old people’s home she stays at takes her to my grandma once a week and picks her back up in the afternoon.
So my grandma lay on the floor for three hours until the cab driver came back and heard my grandma’s sister yelling for help inside the house. He then called 911, they broke the front door open and took my grandma to the hospital.

At first they didn’t know what had happened to her but figured out that it could have only been a stroke. Caused by the split-second-long disfunction of her brain, the muscles in her legs clenched and she couldn’t move them anymore.
Luckily, she seems to have recovered from it; her leg’s won’t be paralzyed forever or anything like that. She did say that her legs still hurt, though - which is normal, given that the body literally stopped taking care of them for a short period of time. And it takes her a while to gather her thoughts and utter complete sentences - which is also normal since what usually happens during a stroke is that a small part of the brain more or less stops working because for some reason blood is not being pumped through it anymore and then, in the best case, another part of the brain takes over and - as in the case of my grandma - is now responsible for the legs.
This extra work for a certain part of the brain causes everything in one’s body to function much slower.

How do I know all this? Well, it’s almost exactly a year ago that my mom had a stroke and so, unfortunately, I’m familiar with the reasons and consequences of strokes.
The fact that my mom went through this makes things harder for us. My grandma is in the same hospital and, obviously, in the same unit. Going back to that hospital and going through the whole thing again is more or less impossible for my mom because getting over her stroke, both physically and mentally, has been the hardest thing she has ever had to do.

My dad, who’s the only immediate family my grandma has left, is especially worried about what will happen after they release her from the hospital. He’s hoping health insurance will pay for a couple of months of rehab - but nobody knows what we’re going to do after that.
After my grandfather’s death last year, my grandma’s been taking care of their huge, old house all by herself.
Up until now she was still able to run the necessary errands on her own but from now on she won’t be able to do so and has to be checked on all the time. The problem is, my dad won’t be able to pay for her to go to an old people’s home because he’s already paying for her sister - who’s always been in a wheelchair and never worked and therefore isn’t supported by the state.

It’s a mess and it sucks that this happens to us. Again. This is going to sound incredibly selfish, but if my dad should end up having to pay for his mom’s place in an old people’s home, he won’t be able to pay for university for me anymore. And for reasons that are probably obvious yet somehow morally questionable, that makes me really, really angry.