(Alternative title: To keep your mind off the horrible realities in this world for fifteen minutes. Because I have no words for what’s going on in Haiti right now. No words. Let’s busy ourselves with Sweden until I do.)

See, I can’t imagine there’s anything repulsive about Sweden at all. I don’t know much about the country but what I do know paints an image of remarkable, suspicious perfection: according to some general research I did Sweden appears to rank first (read: best) in everything from global economics to health/life expectancy to literacy to social security to its democracy to gender equality to clean energy to beauty of nature to awesomeness of childhood heroes (CAN YOU SAY PIPPI LONGSTOCKING). I chose tiny Jönköping in southern Sweden for my semester abroad because the uni there offers courses I’m interested in, airfare seems financially manageable, and the city sits right by a ginormous lake. Let’s see what else there is to know about Sweden as a country, okay?

• Sweden’s prehistory begins 12,000 BC with reindeer-hunting camps of the Bromme culture at the edge of the ice in what is now the country’s southernmost province. This period was characterized by small bands of hunter-gatherer-fishers. (12,000 BC, people! That blows my mind.)

• The Swedish Viking Age lasted roughly from the 8th to the 11th century. (VIKINGS.)

• Between 1750 and 1850, the population in Sweden doubled. Mass emigration to America became the only way to prevent famine and rebellion. In the early 20th century, more Swedes lived in Chicago than in Gothenburg (Sweden’s second largest city). (I like random facts. This one, especially.)

• Sweden remained officially neutral during World War I and World War II.

• Carl XVI Gustaf has been Sweden’s king and head of state since 1973. Sweden is a constitutional monarchy. (Hurray for Europe’s left-over monarchies! See also: the Netherlands, where I currently live.)

• Sweden joined the European Union on January 1, 1995 but the people voted against the Euro currency. They kept their Swedish kroner. (You see, I find this admirable. When the Euro was introduced in 2002, I hated how fake and polished it looked and wanted my old German money back.)

• Sweden is surrounded by Norway, Finland, and the Baltic Sea. It shares maritime borders with Denmark, Germany, Poland, Russia, Lithuania, Latvia, and Estonia. It is the fifth largest country in Europe by area with a population of only 9.2 million people. (Facts facts facts. Love ‘em.)

• About 15% of Sweden lies north of the Arctic Circle. (I would pay good money for a trip up North to see what it’s like for the sun to never even come up in the winter. Seriously.)

• The Swedish Social Democratic Party has played a leading political role since 1917. Election turnout in Sweden has always been high by international comparison, although it has declined in recent decades, and is currently around 80%. (This makes me very happy.)

• 47% of seats of the national government are held by women. (This, too, makes me very happy.)

• Politicians have made announcements about oil phase-out in Sweden, decrease of nuclear power, and multi-billion dollar investments in renewable energy and energy efficiency. The country has pursued a strategy of indirect taxation as an instrument of environmental policy, including energy taxes in general and carbon dioxide taxes in particular. (Yes yes YES.)

• Foreign movies and television shows are subtitled rather than dubbed. (SUCK IT, Germany. There’s no other country but you still friggin’ dubbing English movies, thus making them unfunny and stiff.)

• Sweden is the third largest music exporter in the world, surpassed only by the US and the UK.

• Sweden is fairly liberal regarding homosexuality. As of May 1, 2009, Sweden repealed its “registered partnership” laws and fully replaced them with gender-neutral marriage. (Okay, gender-neutral marriage is a really, really horrible term for something essentially GOOD.)

• The country’s main quality morning papers are Dagens Nyheter (liberal), Göteborgs-Posten (liberal), Svenska Dagbladet (liberal conservative) and Sydsvenska Dagbladet (liberal). (Someone’s trying to force their being liberal down someone’s throat, aren’t they?)

• At least 45% and up to 85% of the population can be classified as atheist or agnostic. Sweden is known to be the most secular country in the world. (Really, Sweden, really? This is just too easy.)

• H&M.

• Ikea.

Like I said. Too perfect. Almost so perfect it’s boring, right? How strange that I’m still feeling a bit more excited about going, though. I really got to know Sweden on this day of research at the library, covered in books. And oh, how long a day it’s been!

KIDDING. Donate a buck or two to Wikipedia on your way out.