I’m talking to the BFF online right now. I’ll go see her on Sunday which wouldn’t be worth noting except that it means that I have to travel back across the border to Germany and up North for a hundred thousand miles, and pay a horrendous sum for the friggin’ train ticket but OMG, if getting to see the BFF is not worth spending money on, what is?

Well. Money. Kind of a sore subject. I’m putting away fifty euros ($72) each month for my trip to Kentucky in 2010, and if that doesn’t sound like a lot to you, know this: it’s a sixth of my monthly budget. Saving a sixth of your monthly spendings is probably doable under normal circumstances but then sometimes things just come along. Like that you find yourself in dire need to see the BFF. Or that you find yourself with only one pair of pants that doesn’t even fit very well. So I went shopping today. Unwillingly – because I didn’t want to have to spend the money, and because shopping is just no fun if you’re as big as I am. For jeans I actually have to go to the plus sized section at H&M; that tiny little empty section at the back of the store where there’s only ever middle-aged women with confused, hazed look in their eyes, and one overwhelmingly handsome guy of the H&M staff who’s only goal it must be to make me melt onto the floor in a puddle of embarrassment. It’s funny. In these moments it always suddenly occurs to me that he knows I’m fat before he sees me come to the plus sized section. He sees me, after all. But for me it only ever seems to become reality when I’m surrounded by the very few other big woman back in that section.

I found an amazing pair of jeans, though. I haven’t had a pair of jeans since I threw out the last pair at the beginning of the year! And to think that I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl all the way! Madness! They fit pretty decently (though, I noticed I’m nowhere close to a smaller size as I had hoped), and the color is amazing. I’m very particular about jeans colors so I’m really happy with my purchase. Heh. I’ve been wearing them in around the apartment all day, and now I can’t remember how I went over half a year without wearing jeans.

The thing with shopping is: it can be incredibly devastating, and it can be incredibly uplifting. Depends on whether I find something pretty that fits relatively quickly. If I do – see awesome new jeans – I’m all, BUYING CLOTHES IS SO GREAT I SHOULD REALLY DO IT MORE OFTEN. So I ended up buying this shirt, too.

I never thought I’d buy a shirt, or anything for that matter, in a color like this but I love it! And now I want to buy new shoes, too, because the new jeans need something pretty to go along with them. And I should get a couple of cardigans, too, seeing as I’ve got a pretty new shirt to go underneath them. And! I don’t have any kind of jacket or coat! How am I supposed to ever leave the house this fall? And hats! Hats are the second best thing about fall, next to scarfs!

You can see how that just goes on and on. But by the time I can rake up more money to go shopping, I’ll have forgotten all about how much fun it can be, and I’ll keep putting it off until I’m back to the no-pants or not-enough-shirts-to-leave-the-house situation, and at that point it’s not fun but it’s necessary. Me and shopping just don’t get along very well.

PS – Check out Rachie’s new blog, Fit. It’s all about getting in shape and getting back to liking the way we look. Everyone should read along!